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These Wildflower Walls

Home improvement and interior design for busy moms.

Best of 2020: Amazon Kid Finds

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Back in March when quarantine hit and the schools closed, I found myself home with two young kids while working full time. I needed to find some ways to entertain my kids – and I needed it fast. I turned to Amazon for help and Amazon came through. I grabbed a range of things – from quiet and creative play, all the way up to “we have a bounce house in our basement.” Here’s a round up of the things we used the most:

Links:
Smart Sketcher
Water Bottles
Explorer Kit
Water Shooter Toys
Ninja Warrior Course
Magic Show Set
Writing Tablet
Bounce House
Water Table
Sidewalk Chalk
Splash Pad

Mudroom Inspiration

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While we button up a couple loose ends – primarily changing out some hardware here and there and finally unpacking the last of our boxes – I’m (to my husband’s horror) looking at what projects are up next to tackle in the new year.

The mudroom is the top of that list. The wrangling of coats, mittens, boots, and hats for my kids is a marital stress test every morning. It doesn’t help that our dog likes to play hide and seek with our shoes. I sometimes wonder if he enjoys sitting back watching us run around like maniacs three minutes before we’re supposed to leave.

Mudroom inspiration
My Mudroom Design Board!

While we have a coat closet off the entry, the mudroom is where I see our kids keeping most of their winter gear. I started looking at hall trees that would provide some seating and storage accessible to the kids. We’re trying to get Reggie to be more responsible for keeping track of his things, so hopefully this will help!

Links here:
Hall Tree
Area Rug
Art
Lighting

What not to say to someone who is grieving

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A little over eight years ago, my mom died after many years of battling brain cancer. She was 52. I was 26 and just 12 days married. It was the most devastating time of my life and one that I was completely unprepared for, despite knowing the inevitable conclusion of my mom’s condition.

This is a heavy subject, and one that I didn’t plan to write about here – but, I felt compelled to share because just a few days ago, two high school friends of mine lost their mom after a five-year-battle with breast cancer. I was sad, of course, to hear about her passing. But even more, I felt deeply empathetic to my friends because I remembered how intensely I grieved – often in secret – after my own mom’s passing. My heart aches for them and pulls me back to my own grief all these years later and reminded me of a couple things that might be helpful to know when you are reaching out to those who are grieving.

  1. Don’t assume they share your faith: Not everyone believes in heaven, in afterlife, or in other religious teachings. And even if they do, telling a grieving person that their loved one is in a better place is not always consoling and may act to diminish the loss that the person is feeling. Instead, tell them you are sorry for their loss, that you are praying for them (if that is your faith), and that you remember their loved-one fondly and they will be missed.

  2. Never say, “you must have been prepared for this.” This was by and large the worst thing people said to me when my mom died. Yes, she had been battling her cancer for years, and yes, she was in hospice, and yes, we knew the cancer would kill her. But, until that very last breath she took, she was alive and she was my mom. Nothing prepares you for the loss that you feel after that final breath. Grieving can begin when a person is still alive, and the intensity of that grows after the physical life is gone. When you say, “you knew this was coming,” you are taking away the person’s very valid – and deeply vulnerable – feelings and response to death. This remark made me feel like I needed to hide or sidebar my response to my mom’s death. I even recall at her funeral saying things like, “I know we all knew this was going to happen, so…” Screw that. Cancer sucks. Death sucks. And losing my mom sucked, no matter how or when that happened. Encourage people to grieve however they need to.

  3. Don’t try to make them feel better or process their emotions for them, even if it comes from a good place: Validate their feelings. If they feel angry, they are justified in that. If they feel cheated, they are justified in that. If they feel inconsolably sad, offer a hug and let them pour everything out. No matter how they are feeling, it is their right to feel it.

  4. Don’t offer advice unless asked: You are not an expert on their life. Offering unsolicited advice can feel like you’re trying to problem solve for them and move their grieving along. Grief is personal. It can come in waves; it can have huge spikes, or it can be a constant steady stream. Attend to your grieving friend in a way that gives them space no matter what phase of their grief they are in. And if/when they do ask for advice, offer it – but don’t mandate it. Tell them what worked for you based on how you were feeling, but also know that your way isn’t everyone’s way, because your grief isn’t everyone’s grief.

  5. Don’t offer to be there – actually be there: if you are compelled to offer to be there for someone during their times of grief, don’t just say you are there. Actually be there. What I mean is, don’t write it in a card and send it in the mail and think you have been there for them. Check in on them. Reach out and ask how they are, or maybe share a fond memory of their loved one that came to you while you were making dinner. Send them a funny text; join them in laughter and in sadness. Be there. Be actually there for all of it.

  6. Finally, don’t expect a response: If you send flowers, a card, a donation, a message, and you don’t hear back that is OK. It’s better than OK. It’s completely and totally acceptable. Do things because it is kind, because you care, and because you want to share your condolences. In return, know that you have shown the person that they are seen, and that their loved one is as well.

Dealing with death and grief is hard, but at the end of the day, try to step back, think about the person and people affected, and create a space for them to grieve on their terms. And also send brownies. Because, well, baked goods are never wrong.

You can’t make this sh*t up

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Hello, and happy Sunday!

We just returned from a weeklong stay at a nearby lake house with some friends, and talk about a much-needed refresh! No cell or Internet service, remote lake, and plenty of laughs were exactly what our family needed.

Just three days before we left for vacation we learned that the buyers of our home backed out of the deal due to issues with financing. This meant that closing on our new house was also in jeopardy. Within an hour, our townhouse was re-listed, and within two hours we had requests for showings. Meanwhile, our place was scattered with boxes and 80% of our belongings had already been moved into a storage unit.

I was sick from the stress and devastated that it all could come crashing down at any minute, especially since we are so financially – and emotionally – invested in the home at this point. Reggie even made a paper chain that he hung in his room. He was removing a link each day as a countdown to our new house.

I took Thursday off from work and spent the entire day cleaning, organizing, and staging the best I could. Luckily, we still have our plants here, so those brought some color, warmth, and life into the space. I also moved a few mirrors around to brighten things up, and spent the rest of my energy on making sure the house was clean and orderly. (I plan to do a longer post on how to stage your home for a successful showing very soon!)

Then came the real work – vacating the house solo with two kids and two dogs. I happened to have agreed to watch my sister’s dog, Kallie, while she went out of town before all of this went down. My hands were full.

I took the car-full to a nearby park. I looked like that scene from the Beverley Hillbillies, cruising down the road with a car stuffed to the brim with animals, people, and boxes of random stuff. The only thing missing was the granny on the roof.

Anyway, I figured they could run around while we waited for the showings to finish, but naturally the shit (literally) hit the fan. Benson, our dog, apparently had to go number two. While I was trying to clean up that mess, Andrea ran off and filled her diaper while Kallie ran in the opposite direction and figured it was a good time for her to poop too. To make matters worse, it began pouring rain. Needless to say, it was a total shit show. Once I managed to wrangle everyone and get them (and their poop) cleaned up and back in the car I was in tears. The weight of the week hit me and I called Matt exhausted and hysterically crying.

I went to bed that night feeling hopeless only to wake up the next morning – 24 hours before we were to leave for vacation – with a text from a fellow parent that there was a positive COVID-19 case at the kids’ daycare. An email from the school confirmed this, and we had to notify our friends that we may have to bail on our lake house vacation if the health department deemed our kids at risk from close contact.

Minutes later, I was notified that one of the showings was interested and wanted to see our place again that morning. So, back into the car we went. I fed my kids Dunkin Donuts in a gas station parking lot and prayed that something would go right.

Hours later, we accepted an offer on our house! And just moments later, we received word that neither of our kids were exposed to the person who tested positive. It was 72 hours of complete whiplash. Our trip was back on. Our closing only had to get pushed a week. And best of all, our kids were healthy.